HERE'S CONLEY

Yesterday evil MomPerson sent Conley to have his nails done, his toofies done (only two had any tartar on them and they weren't bad) and while he was out I shaved his whiskers. Easier to do when he is not moving.
He also got his shots. 3yr Rabies, Lepto, Bordatello (Or, "bordello" as half our clients call it unwittingly).
This morning I hauled him to class where, I am unbelievably happy to say he did quite well, even putting his tail up.

There is a catch.

This is Conley NOW:

The rug is dirty. I apologize. This is under my desk where I sit. The computer is above his head, the printer to his rear, Nigel's crate to his right and the TV above that. So this little alcove is his special spot. And he spends a lot of time here, but not quite this ....plopped.

Sometimes he is aware that I am not sitting right on top of him (and when I scoot the chair in--it has wheels and all the dogs have learned it has wheels) and so I run in and out and USED to slide over to the beading table which is now covered with junk or beading equipment of one kind or another. Please note the eagle-eyed, alert expression on Conley.

Since we got back from class he hasn't gone very far....poor baby. I think I actually wore him out. (He probably doesn't feel that hot but this was the last day of class.) I feel so mean, but he was certainly animated at the class!

                                        MEAN MOMMY.              

NO CONLEY

NO CONLEY!!!!!
Not out the front window
Not by the side door
Not on the bed
Not in the yard!!

It is very very quiet.
But
Where is CONLEY?

BASSET NATIONALS as explained by Cooper

Whazzu Nashunal, Nigel?
Don't nose, little man. Nebber seed won. Ax Uncle Cooper. He bin to sum.

Uncle Cooper, whazzu Nashunal?
Oooooh Boy! You goin?
Uh hunh

Nashunals biiiiiiiiiig dog show. Da ones i went to had only Belgians. No odder breed dere. Not allowed. Oh da bitches.....ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I thot you nootered.

Ahem. Yes well one can remember.

So I go an they just Belgians?

No, you go an they just Bassets, no Belgians, no Cockrs, no beegles.

How meny? I meen how meny Bassets be there?

Lots. You gotta show against lots. Takes a lotta time. They be the best Basset frum all ober da Country. From da eest an west an norf and souf.

You ok?

Yeah why.

Thot you was sneezling.

NO. Norf and Souf. Up an down parts ob da country. Big kennels. Pros. Da peepel on da leeshes, dey do dis for a livin. Dis dere job. And they very good. Peepels like MomPerson...ahh...well less juss say you mite well as hab a monkey on da leesh.

Oh great. So I goes to dis an sposed to be all spiffy an I gotta drag MomPerson round da square ring too? You jokin, rite?

No, sorry. I done it, you can too.

Didja win?

Ahhh...no. I gotted all cited an jumped up on da MPerson juss as da Judge walkering round. I no hab a chance enyways. I whut dey call OLD FASHUNT Belgian wiff big ears an a old timey head. But Ise a Champion. Ise finished. Juss not dere. How meny ob dem points you got?

Two.

Well you ain't gonna finish noway at dis. So just tucker up an hab fun wif da ladies. Dere be lotsa dem dere. Show you stuff. Member to meke MPerson smile in da ring not meke dat OMIGOD face. Member to stan up strait an KEEP YOU TAIL UP you little bugger or I meke you a bobtail when you gets home.
You nebber seed so meny Hounds in won spot. You fink youse guys a lot? Hah. You nuffin. Member dat tail. Ise not kiddin. You be da onliest bobtail Basset in da world. Now go away. I wanna fink on dose Belgian wimmin I met way beke dere.

Fanks Uncle Cooper.  Hunh. Bobtail indeed we see about dat.

I HERD DAT!!

YOU LOOKIN AT DA BESS IN SHOW HOUND!! BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

WILD BASSETS

The weather was cool, breezy and perfect. This was the beginning.

Cooper watches carefully. Nobody must have too much fun. The watchdog watches intently to make sure this rule is not violated. However....Bassets rarely listen, even to him...

Things (Bassets in particular) seem to have a momentum all their own..

 And from that point on, it is useless to yell, bark, rattle boxes of treats. All you can really do it stand back and watch.

It looks worse than it is. I had at least not yet mowed the lawn, so nobody had turned green. That came later.

Sometimes there is even a time-out, but these are rare.

Then it starts all over anyway

And then it stops again, and there is quiet. And the Two Brothers watch their world.

And so it goes..... Until at long last
everyone is kind of worn out at least for a little while--

TEACHING BASSETS

My husband has decided that all the dogs should sit politely when they get treats.
He actually has had great success at this. I am both pleased and skeptical. It is my feeling that in order to score a Basset can be convinced to do almost anything. I have never met such a food-motivated breed of dog, altho I once had a hungry kitten scale my leg in a none-too-gentle manner to grab her plate.

Today as the dogs, for the 400th time, charged around the yard ballyhooing at each other at a time of the day that was not appropriate, I managed to get them all in by waving a little stick with leaves on it and calling TREATS TREATS. Fooled (I think) in the dim light, they came pouring across the deck sounding like a small herd of ponies. I got them all inside before they discovered the error. Sometimes they will get all the way to the door and then spin about and take off again.

While it is usually Conley they chase, it is also Conley who ends up on the bottom, rolling over and over as Nigel and Llewis "attack". I don't belong to the dog park altho there is one well within walking distance, because I am not sure what these Cowboys would do if another dog interfered, and am reluctant to experiment. They are a close-knit pack. It is entirely possible, in my mind, that an "outside" dog attempting to play would be seen as an intruder, and we would leave the park in disgrace. (Tails waving gallantly.)

Here is what I would like to teach the Bassets:

Not to scale the furniture as if it were a small mountain. In this photo there is no one in the chair but it rarely matters whether there is or not. Conley is an irrepresible jumper. He not only jumps up on us but he jumps at our faces, sometimes nipping. He has never hurt anyone, but it is a very annoying habit I would dearly love to break. I can say that yelling, pushing and kneeing him does not work at all. And if I am forceful enough, he is crushed. Why don't I love him anymore?

This evening I was escorting all three into the house when Conley began to leap at me from behind. I said

"AH!" very sharply and he stopped. I was pleased until I turned around and saw  Conley, frozen in place, staring at me with the most hurt look on his face...and of course I melted... He had leaped on me (nearly knocking me over since he usually hits me right behind the knees) in a fervor of love (so he would have me believe) and I had said AH! at him instead of "How is my best beloved"?  How do you train that? Is it real? Is he that smooshy? (I have evidence that he is, actually, that soft)

How could I not love everything he does when it is done out of love? (Or boredom.)
And meanwhile here is Nigel, flopped on his back directly underfoot, tail pounding the floor hopefully with Llewis woo-wooing at the top of his lungs.

No wonder Cooper hides.

In the course of our "training": the dogs will sit for John.
I am teaching Conley to sit "up" which he is very good at doing
And I have taught them "No, go all the way into the kitchen."

Conley is teaching ME that the word "crate" is a dirty word. This is new. Today I picked him up and threw him in, yelling CRATE I SAID CRATE GET IN YOUR CRATE

Which I doubt is in any of the training manuals, probably frowned upon by Cesar M who has no Bassets and equally by the Monks of New Skete who also do not have Bassets.

            But how do you stay mad at something as cute as a Basset?

MY LITTLE KINDLE

I want to know how they came up with the name: "Kindle".

Ever since the Kindle and other e-readers began hitting the market, I have wanted one. Given the opportunity I am a voracious reader.
I have a very slight "gadget" fixation. For example after over-dosing one weekend on "Survivor-Man", I sent John out to buy me waterproof matches. Not exactly on the same level as a Kindle, but something I will never use (I hope). He didn't believe they existed. He hunted Cabela's for them and could not find them. He finally found a stack of them at Target. He kept wanting to know WHY I wanted them and I have no explanation. The idea appealed to me. I will carry a box in the car. The rest I will probably lose in the amazing clutter. (I watch "Hoarders" with a great deal of trepidation, looking furtively around my room.....)

Anyway I got a Kindle. I got the newest one which allows me to download books without the computer. From anywhere.
This is my Kindle at rest,all closed up and quiet. I get (supposedly) 30 hours of battery time.
After I bought the Kindle I bought the cover which was very expensive and added a lot of weight to the Kindle itself, which is quite light.
The cover has a built in light which is surprisingly good. Means I can read in a car or motel when others want the lights out. Or ask; can I turn the pages a little quieter, please because he is trying to sleep.
Push a button and the page turns, silently.

However not reaching for the page to turn it is like driving a stick-shift for ten years and then buying an automatic, which I have also done. It takes a long time not to hit the clutch and reach for the stick. Old habits die hard.

There are a ton of things you can do with the new Kindle that I do not do. You can move emai around and you can read PDF files-- a lot of books at other sites besides Amazon are in PDF form. You can substitute your own photos for the pictures that indicate the Kindle is "asleep":

This is Ralph Ellison. I kind of like their own photos and besides to put mine in I have to start downloading hacker programs to it and I know I will run into trouble. Right now all I want is to read.
I can bookmark a page so that the next time I start the Kindle it automatically goes to where I left off reading. It comes with the Oxford English Dictionary so that AS I read I can highlight a word and look up the meaning without leaving the page I am on.
I may also highlight passages, altho I have not learned how to move them to a file yet.

It holds 3500 books. The light is surprisingly effective, for something so small. It runs off the Kindle battery so there are no bulbs to replace please don't ask I have no clue. Like the telephones, the radio, the tv and the computer, it is all magic to me. In case you are trying to read the tiny print this particular book is WAR by Sebastian Junger, who also wrote THE PERFECT STORM.

Well anyway that's my Kindle. I have heard all the arguments against them: "I like to HOLD my books!" well, so do I but there are times when it is better to have this.
Disadvantage big time: no page numbers and no color photos. Everything is in greyscale but I bet very soon it won't be.
Disadvantage Big Time: The reading stock, as vast as it is, is limited. I have spent days looking for Graham Greene's THE COMEDIANS and it is not available for the Kindle. Lots of brand new books are not Kindle-friendly.You just have to wait, or buy them or check them out from the library.

I think as the e-reader craze continues,-- and I have no doubt that it will-- more publishers will relent.

I have been excrutiantingly careful with my Kindle. I never leave it out and unattended. One Basset crunch and one of them-- the Kindle or dog, would be be on death row. It has that leather cover and that irresistable crunch....

And last, I did a lot of research, picked the Kindle because: 1. So did PC WORLD magazine which is my bible for things electronic, and 2. Amazon has more books available than the others.

Right now they are not compatible with each other, but they will be, eventually.

I do not own stock in Kindle and have not been paid for this blatantly positive review.

THE DAY WITH DAD

Over the weekend I was gone during the day working the Art Fair. Saturday it rained like crazy and for awhile it pushed people into the Gallery which was good, but after a bit the patrons kind of gave up. Sunday was better weather but a less profitable day.

Anyway the dogs and Dad were home all day together. Sometimes John has an interesting perspective on the dogs and this was one of those times, so I thought I would share his viewpoint:

Ummmmm....salad

Llewis's favorite spot in the whole world, between DadPerson's legs. Looking at the world, totally safe. It makes it hard for DP to walk sometimes, but Llewis is a special boy and gets special treatment.

I am not sure how John engineered this shot

Conley and Nigel and Llewis peering over the backs of his contentious housemates.

Betcha a dog biscuit that Conley started it and it is not serious...not yet. Conley and Nigel tend to start out playing and end up trying to take charge of the entire household. Usually they end up in their crates, but this is clearly play.

The Three Basseteers from an angle more fitting than the ones I usually get.Nigel in the lead, Brudder Llewis stumping along on the right and Conley, wondering what the hell is going on kind of hanging back-- an uncharacteristic moment. He may have been doing something illegal back there. I came home the day these were taken to find all three digging energetically at a huge hole in the middle of the back yard. John said they'd been arguing all day over whose turn it was to dig...

Conley, now taking over the #1 spot in the camera field, as he thinks befits an up and coming Hound....

Nigel posing in his best muscle-hound style. Wish he'd tuck those elbows in because I love his head. I like his tail too, it is thick and very ouchy when he slams it into your shins.

    THE END OF THE PHOTO SESSION, AND THE BEGINNING OF THE RAIN

                                  all photos by DadPerson

DOG PRIVILEGES

Last night (tonight altho now it is 3 in the morning so maybe it was last night) I put the boys to bed right at 9. They were all wound up and driving me crazy. I was trying to finish up cleaning some jewelry and re-pricing it for the Art Fair tomorrow (today) and they wanted to play-- mostly with my little plastic bags, my scissors, my tags, my feet---

Everyone got a drink, went out, came in, got in his appropriate crate, got a biscuit and I locked the cell block down. Cooper went off to John's room. I tried to finish what I was doing.

Conley curled up and if not sleeping was quiet.

Nigel went through his usual pre-sleep prep: digging in the crate pad, moving it here and there, banging into the sides of the crate, scraping his nails on the metal beneath the crate pad. Yawning. Shifting. Licking. Yawning. Then doing the whole thing again two or three times until I want to crack him over the head with a mallet. Usually I end up yelling ENOUGH!! and he settles.

Llewis is my boy who simply gets into his crate, wobbles about for a moment and goes to sleep.

Except for last night. He began whining. I inquired as to what was bothering him but he just looked at me and wagged his tail. When I looked away he began whining. None of the dogs is  as pathetic as Llewis when it comes to pathos. With his off-center back and hunchy-ness, his rogue leg stuck out at funny angles and his sincere, "help-me" face (fake, about 50% of the time) he makes suckers of us all. BUT. But. The last time he did this it wasn't fake, and he was full of gas and possibly starting to bloat.

So I put down my things and opened the crate and out bounced one of the happiest dogs in the world. What on earth? I am not a novice at interpreting dog-ese. I asked if he wanted out. No. A decisive no. He headed, wiggling, wagging, barking happily (having attracted the undivided attention of the others now) to the kitchen. Do you want a treat? YES YES OH YES I AM STARVING YES PLEASE A TREAT OH THAT WOULD BE SO PERFECT A LITTLE BITE BEFORE BED PLEASE YES YOU MUST HAVE SKIPPED ME!!

uh hunh.

right, I did, I just bet I did.

Nevertheless I hand out treats again. Back in the crate he goes.

We go through the whole routine again as I once again start polishing, removing old tags and writing new ones. Conley quiet: Nigel rattle-bang.

Llewis whining. Wait, what??? Yes, Llewis is whining, new pitch, new level of angst.

I get up and open the crate. Boing boing boing. I give him a Gas-X just in case. I wander into the bedroom and discuss this with John who says oh just leave him out, and with Llewis this is a viable option since he is physically incapable of counter-cruising and a number of other highly bassety  forms of trouble.

I go through the litany again, or start: Do you want out?

OH YESS YESS YESS! OUT WOULD BE WONDERFUL!  YOU MUST NOT HAVE LET US OUT BEFORE BED AND I DRANK WATER AND PLEASE, YES I NEED TO GO OUT!!

So out he went. Expecting a quick pee and re-entry I wait by the door. And wait. And wait. It is dark. There is a mirror outside on the post by the door so that I can look and see if the dogs are  coming in. No Llewis. I am in my jammies and barefeet. I get the flashlight and wander out into the night, looking for my lost child.

Far out in the yard is Llewis, holding a toy, wagging his tail.

COME AND GET ME.

Awwwww, come on buddy, I gotta finish this stuff and it is almost ten o'clock.

Besides, I am barefoot and while the yard has been cleaned twice today you guys have eaten three times. And it's dark.

YOU WANNA TREAT?

OH YESS YESS A TREAT WOULD BE EXCELLENT!!

and so he gets another treat, he is allowed to sleep out of his crate, and now at last he seems happy, curled on the couch while the others stomp and mutter in their crates.

Every now and again, everyone needs something special.

THE PERILOUS BLOG

I apparently need a disclaimer at the beginning of my blog, instead of warning about adult content I should warn that the opinions expressed in my blog are my opinions only and that if the reader doesn't like what I have to say they are free to change the channel, turn off the set, go elsewhere, read something less highly charged.
Apparently I offended someone with something I wrote some time ago. And one good soul saw it and made sure the person I had written about saw it, so she could be offended instead of living the rest of her life not even knowing the blog was out there, so thanks a bunch to the person who did that.
If you are reading this and don't understand what I am talking about, that's ok.
If you're reading it and are very aware of what I am referring to, know that I have a fair idea of who showed what to whom.

I have deleted all the rest of my blogs lest anyone go through them looking for annoying content.

I guess in this politically correct, right-leaning, terrified country in which we currently live, I should be careful to write only about those things that don't offend anyone. This is going to be hard to do, so be prepared to find a lot of really boring blogs from now on.

NIGHTIME STUFF

This is one of those nights when I wake up thinking it is 4 in the morning and it is 12:15. Then I wake up and decide the dogs probably want out and instead of being 5 in the morning it is 1:30. Tough-- I wake them up and send them out. After all, I'm up. The rest of the time when THEY are up I have to get up so why shouldn't the reverse be true?

My skin feels as if it is stretched as tightly as it can possibly go on my legs. I turn on the light and look for body lotion. When I was in Iowa I made some. (Yes! Really I did, with Susie.) I locate a bottle and slather it on to the point that I am practically sliding off the chair. But I can bend my knees without it feeling as tho the skin will split.

Tomorrow-- today I have to go to the store.
I have to decide if I want to put beads out for sale during the art fair. Oh I am so tired of those beads...There are still thousands.

Ok I am going to try to go back to sleep now. Bwaahahahahahahahahaah.
Sleep tight.
I would say "dont let the bedbugs bite" but that is not idle comment it once was.....

SQUIRREL WATCH

The dogs have set up a Squirrel Watch system. There is/was one more squirrel in the nest above the summerhouse, if they are dumb enough to stay there now that Nigel has effectively whittled their numbers down.

This is the corner of the summerhouse or what is left of the summerhouse that the squirrels keep falling out of, or trying to climb out of. You cannot see the wire I wrapped around the drainpipe very well. Years ago I did that when we had real babies that fell out, and tried to climb back up the pipe before the dogs got them,and could not.

Catching an adult squirrel is one thing, but catching and killing the babies is something else again. I figured they at least deserved a chance. My mistake.

This is Nigel at his "Post". He is sitting beneath the drainpipe. He is waiting for the Dog Gods to drop a squirrel out of that hole into his waiting jaws. Yesterday, when this was taken and when we could  hear the squirrel scrambling around up there, Nigel sat like this for about 45 minutes. For awhile, Llewis sat to his left at the other entrance to the nest, but he got bored and left. Conley was doing re-con. Nigel was on a Mission: the others really were not.

Conley is helping. He is peering into the summerhouse because once a squirrel got trapped in there by the dogs. He can probably hear the squirrel overhead, but doesn't have the experience at squirreling that Nigel does. He looked in that window and then would go to his right and try to look in the window down there. There is no glass- only screens that wind and probably animals have torn.

Unfortunately part of that stuff where he is going to land is a wild rose, with very nasty thorns. Conley seems to have just remembered that and is now wondering how the hell to get down without landing on it. (I lifted him down.) All this time the squirrel was running back and forth up there. He had finally realised that there was a pack of bloodthirsty wolves at his door and they were not hunting toads.  Nigel was sitting in the same spot, in the same position, waiting like a giant, tri-colored cat.

Cooper's role was that of sentry, I guess. Or maybe a member of a peace-keeping organization. One with teeth. I do not think even Cooper would try to take a squirrel from Nigel. Time wore on and the squirrel finally quit running back and forth. After about 45 minutes, all the dogs had given up. Even Nigel came in. Every time he goes outside he instantly checks that spot, sniffs all around the summerhouse to make sure he has not missed anything. He checks the top of the fence as he goes out the door. Sooner or later....

....Sooner or later....