Tuesday, May 1, 2012

THE DEVIL'S SPAWN

Yesterday was kind of a bad day. I was feeling very down about losing Cooper, and I was impatient about not knowing when a puppy would be available. Nigel was very active which meant up and down off the bed and wanting to go outside. My leg was bothering me from falling off the bicycle. It was raining. It was grey.
I called my sister=in-law, Alice, the one who was hit by the car but she was going out to PT.
The mailman brought me a beautiful pendant to work with and I was very excited. I wrote the sender and said the pendant was exquisite before I took it out of the little plastic bag.
Whuh oh.
There are minute chips where the pliers dug into the stone while doing the wirework, it is unmistakable, and it means that I cannot put the price tag on it that I need to. How do you put your name and reputation on something that is damaged before you even touch it?
So I called Pat and she said to contact the seller so I did, but reluctantly.

And then I told John, I have to get out of here.

So I went to Target.

And I looked at a cute little purse (I almost never carry one) and I discovered that in order to buy nice clothes I have to become pregnant again because that's all that is going to fit. Or lose weight. Trying, I am trying. Really.

And I turned around in the aisle and there they were.......the spawn of the Devil: Cell Phones.

Smart phones.

Now I should explain about my phone. It is called the "Tundra". It is made for construction workers and is heavily encased in rubber. It would be a dog toy under any other circumstances but I bought it especially because I kept dropping the damn Razor.

But I didn't want one from Target so I drove over to the cell phone store and I knew I didn't have the money for a hot iPhone. I bought a cheapie. A "smart" phone but a cheapie.

I know from nothing about these damn phones.

This is my new phone. DS for short: Devil's Spawn. It is a Motorola. (And don't do that hissing noise my husband made just because it isn't what HE has.)

I had to ask Reggie, the salesman, how to turn it on. When I got home I had to ask John how to answer it.

I am trying to get my email on it. BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH.
I tried to download some free apps. BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH.
I tried writing to someone but my fingers are approximately the size of spatulas compared to the keyboard and just entering a password took --seriously now-- 40 minutes.

I tried to put Cooper's pretty face on it as wallpaper but all I got was his nose. It is a handsome nose to be sure, but not quite what I had in mind.

Here it is turned on. This is about as far as i have gotten. I miss my Tundra. You turned it on and it was on. It didn't "go to sleep". Especially when I flung it on the seat of the car because a cop was passing.

Also.

Here is the worst part:

I no longer have my "Margaritaville" ring tone.

And.
I found out that MY idea of 3/4 Cup of cereal is not Weight Watcher's idea of 3/4 of a Cup of cereal. They want me to MEASURE it! Shit. And here I thought I had finally found something. I did wonder why the box only lasted half a day.....

Well it is almost daylight. Time to see if there is any wine in the fridge.