DISCUSSION WITH DOGS

You! All of you! I hate you all! You are horrible, nasty, disobedient dogs, every one of you! And Ori-- you on the other side of the fence, you are NO BETTER!!
I let you out and try to unload groceries and you all start screaming at each other through the fence.
Nigel drags himself frantically through the mud to get to the fence.
I cannot go right out because Conley is in the house and there are groceries on the counter, well within reach.

It is Nigel I want in. BEFORE he hits the mud dragging his rear!!
I fly out the door forgetting about
WHOOOOOPS
my knee.

 

I have a towel and I reach Nigel when he is half-way to the fence and manage to get him in.

By the time I get back out Katie has called Ori in and even tho it is quieter I am not appeased.

GETINTHEHOUSE!!

 

I bellow. I brandish my cane. I have never touched them with it but the fact that it extends my arm by a good 4 feet and that I can suddenly grow this appendage clearly alarms them.

 

OBOY THE DOG IN BACK IS OUT!!!

 

You horrible, terrible, loud-mouthed, canines! You never listen! You could be out here ALL day but nooooooooo, you barkbarkbarkbark and Ori barksbarksbarks and altho the neighbors have not complained it is only because I get you in so fast..

 

I get up in the morning and let you out, go to the bathroom and

 

BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK

at what?A squirrel!!! And what time is it? 4? 5? Maybe 6 in the morning?

 

 

AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHH!

 

You are horrible, awful animals. I am never having another dog. Never ever. Chinchillas. Hamsters. African Violets....

 

I mean..I mean... You are all so...

 

So so so......You're just I mean really, you are...

How can I stand it another day? You all are such such such

I mean if you'd just....

Oh nevermind. Come get a cookie my good and handsome boys!!