WHERE DID WE PUT THE STRAIT JACKET?

Since we have moved back into the house, things seem to be slipping a bit.

Oh, the dogs are fine. That's not what I mean. John and I have worked really hard to get things sorted and stored and thrown out and put away, but there is still SO much left to do. Boxes and boxes and....

Boxes.

And then, there's the plumbing.

One day I did a load of laundry and the water from the machine dumped and back up into the bathtub and toilet, clear across the house.

So we called the plumber.

He had some work to finish, anyway.

His minion, who seemed very able, came out yesterday about noon and put in the new washtub, two new faucets and then set to work rodding out the line in the bathroom. He was here until about 5pm. When he left he assured us the toilet, while not great, was functional.

Wrong-O.

Far from functional it is in considerably worse shape than when he started.

It is, how shall I say this?

Useless.

I am driving to the Gallery two or three times a day to use the facilities, but we have no shower and I cannot do laundry, either. I did 4 loads of laundry at the laundromat yesterday and all of it except for a sweatshirt and 3 t-shirts belonged either to the linen closet or to John. Silly me, I thought now that my dryer had been moved back into the house, I could do laundry.

When the kid rodded out the sewer I think he just solidified the clog.

I spent a lot of time on the phone this morning starting at 7 in the morning trying to get someone out here. We all have a breaking point: today was mine.

For $2500 one guy would come out and rod out the line. Of course the tricky part is that we do not know where the line IS in front

I called the Village to come out and locate the pipe. They won't come out until all the other utilities have been marked. They said "Your plumber does that."

I was speaking to someone in the police dept and I didn't want to argue so I mumbled ok and hung up and had more hysterics.

I called JULIE, the people you are supposed to call for this kind of thing and a lovely child named Courtney was so nice to me it was all I could do to keep from sobbing in gratitude. She will have them all out here Monday at 7. Very nice. Oh yes, thankyouthankyouthankyou.

At this point had she said "We will be out Monday to blow up the house" I would have said the same thing. And meant it. I might have offered to help.

Here is how desperate I feel:

Courtney said "Is there anything else I can do for you today?" and I said

"Send a port-a-potty?" and she said "I have that number, would you like it?"

And I actually...

thought

seriously

about it for just a moment....before I declined and managed to laugh.

PROGRESS

We are moving forward in re-establishing ownership of our house, trying to make it a home not just a house.

Yesterday for example I tackled the thankless and very important job of re-uniting my CDs with their jewel cases. This, putting all the CDs in the cases is not something you think of when the roof is caving in, or seems to be so now I set about it with firm resolve, accompanied by my ever-present companion and critic:

See I have this system I use when I play CDs. I take out 5 and put them in the player and then I put the Jewel cases someplace safe where I know I will remember not only where they are but that they are empty. This precludes the idea that any memory beyond 10 minutes duration is going to be fixed in my mind somehow. This is, of course, ludicrous. At the time, I think "Ok I will remember this." And then I forget about it

Consequently, CDs are rarely re-united with their appropriate jewel cases. After a big pile of homeless CDs piles up, I will sometimes find one of the cahces of cases and just start putting CDs in the cases. It makes opening each case later a wonderful surprise. It may be Doc and Merle Watson playing, or it may be be the Cornell Guide to Bird Songs. Of course the Jewel Case was for the Chieftains THE IRISH HORSE.....

So yesterday I began.

putting all the Cds together with their Jewel Cases. This meant opening every case to see if there were CDs in it and if so, were they the right ones. I started about 7 in the morning. At about noon I asked John, who was out, if he would stop someplace and buy me 20 jewel cases

At about 4 in the afternoon I tossed the last of the rogue CDs all in a drawer and slammed it shut (I can barely open and close it now) and was left with about 300,000,000 CDs which may or may not be in the correct case but are by god in a case and going to frigging well stay in that case come hell or (again) high water.

Meantime there are 5 empty cases someplace that are for the 5 CDs in the machine that I was listening to as I did this. So if anyone finds a Jewel case for the Seldom Scene 15th Anniversary or for Jimmy Buffett's License to Chill, they belong to me and are on the run. Please return along with another large bottle of Barefoot Cellar's Chardonnay.

AND DOES ANYONE DO WINDOWS?

CONLEY'S BLOG TODAY

Dis Conley. Very sciting too days (2) ( I can count 1 2 3 4 5 6 ahhh.....well nebbermine). Enyways so very sciting lass too days. Well reely juss lass nite an dis mornin. MomPerson she hopin dat the sciting part ob da day ober.

See MomPerson got a brudder like Nigel an Llewis brudders, Mom and (whassisname, Llewis?) Mom an Barry dey brudder an sister. Not da same lidder. Well kinda da same lidder. It a--lemme fink-- a repeat breeding. Dass it. Mom da 2d one. Barry he da older won.

Ok so dey almoss neber see eech oder. He done libed all ober like Hawaii whut sumplace long way away where lib Bo an Harley Brewer, too.

Barry he be a peepeldoctor but he retried. Retired. Dat he in da pixchure but it taken long time ago he still pretty much da same scept no pony tail.

Enyways lass nite he in downtown place wif da big bildings and Mom and DadPerson drive to meet he an Alice (he wifey) for dinner sumplace nice. And whut you fink?? MOMPERSON DONE COME HOME WITH TWO WHITE BOXES! And she say yeah dis you breaffest! Oh man dey smellt sooooooo gooooood. We wanna em NOW but she say no dis breaffass. So we go to bed.

(Scuse me here a minnit Ise tryina figure how da helck to put dis picther ob Llewis where I wants it.)
Ok here we goes. Dis be Llewis course youse

all nose who Llewis are. So enyways at 4 dis mornin Llewis woken up an gotta pee. Ebber day he do dis and ebber mornin MomPerson ged up an let all we ousside and da scents in da mornin at 4 are wunnerful so we stays ousside about 10 or elebenteen minits and den come in, gedda treet an go bek to bed.

Well I not sayin whut happent. Nope. I not.

Dis mornin MomPerson let we all out an me an Nigel we wants bek in right away on account ob whut happent that I ain't tellin. MomPerson open da door an neerly fall ober at da smell ob

SKUNK
whut come in wif we spesially on liddel Conley's eers an headbone. MomPerson she not heppy. She callt da odders in but nobuddy else

Juss Liddel Conley pore liddel Conley wif MomPerson goin NONOGOAWAYNONOOFFMYBEDGETIN YOU CRATE HURRY HURRY an Ise so upseeted I runned into Nigel's crate and rub all ober he crate pad. It were TOO an axident.

MomPerson flinging open winnows and runnin round wif a fleshlite lookin for da stuff she rub on dat dont need wadder, cant fine it nowheres finely sprayt somefin onna cloth an rubbd it all obver Conley's liddel hed an eers, she say da eers da worstist, done did drag em thro da smell whut musta been on da grass I aint tellin.

Well by dis time it 5 in da mornin an MomPerson trys to go beke to bed. She tosst an turnt as much she can do wif Cooper layin half on her. Finely she jus git up and here come da BESTEST fing ever:

She gots out dem white boxes and she pulls out dese BIG chunksa meet, man my mouf watrin all over juss riting about it. An she done trim whut she say fat off cuz she no want we to git

pancreeyeyetus sumfin like dat. An juss like she promist she chunked up dat meet an put some in eech dish an add sum reel doggie food an dat are breafuss.

WOW were it GOOD! nOW lemme see if I kin remembers whut it were:

Ok: Pryin rip wifout da bone. (I wooda liked da bone, but hey.) MomPersons almoss raw bloody an da juiceys squirding in me mouf...Aunt Alice's super done all crusty crunch wif a bouquet ob beeffillin da nostrils......ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Oh. Den MomPerson nock DadPerson's coffee onna new rug an den dropt too big hebby glass plates in da driveway. She not sure she shold go ousside agin but we outta dog food so I guess she will, I hope, no more white boxes in da big cold fing.

Enybuddy got Pryin Nibs youse not want, you sendem rite along to we, care ob Conley. I takes good care ob it.

Love an Happiness Day to Ebberbuddy.

Conley

NO BLOG TODAY

BLOGGER WILL NOT LET ME UPLOAD PHOTOS.

BACK!!!WE ARE BACK!!! WE ARE HOME HOME HOME sort of

We are back at 120 Walnut, our home home. No more rentals. No more kennels; no more motels.
There are or have been a couple of little glitches.
When they put in the cable that's ALL they did. They did not hook anything up so that it took the cable guy-- a paragon of patience named Kevin-- nearly FOUR HOURS to figure out how to hook it all together.
When they put the furnace in, they neglected to consider that a washing machine and dryer also have to fit into that room. Therefore, I have a washing machine but the dryer is outside by the back door, covered with a tarp which the boys mark EVERY SINGLE TIME they go past, which is often. It does kind of seem to me that this is the type of thing a contractor should think about.

The hoses that attach to the washing machine also are no good but that's our responsibility.

Here's the big thing.
See, we have a LOT of Stuff. More than is standard. Maybe not quite up to legal "hoarding" levels, but high, nonetheless. Of course, what went OUT  of the house all came BACK. Therefore, there were 3 truckloads of furniture and boxes of crap, mostly boxes.
Keeping in mind that we have had a day and a half to work, (like mules) and so a great deal has already disappeared upstairs, here is an idea what we are up against:

Looking from the doorway into my bedroom.The dog crates are behind the boxes to your right. This is after quite a few boxes have been opened and put away: originally you could not see past the boxes into the room.''

The stairway with the beautiful new carpet and the lovely off white bedrooms upstairs. Both room are crammed with boxes. I am saved from running up and down the stairs because I am too fat to fit.

The kitchen which I cannot really use. We can only open the fridge part-way and there is no clean, useable counter space. Besides, I cannot reach the stove.

And of course, this is the living room....or was this morning. John has pared the box load down considerably.
My advice to anyone planning on moving, running away, leaving your estate to your children or perhaps some day needing to a Dr, Vet, Paramedic, Cop or friend into your home is:
THROW OUT EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT ON YOUR BODY, IN THE LAUNDRY, OR A DOG.Nothing wrong with paper plates.
Cheerio

THE LAST DAY

I am at the rental house.
John is at the house house. The latter is full, from floor to ceiling (I am not joking, not one bit) with boxes of.......stuff. As George Carlin would say. It is amazing the STUFF we have that we will be throwing out.

Anyone want a beautiful Jenny Lind Green crib that is not sold any longer because babies, determined little bastards that they are, can jam their heads(!!) through the railings. I never had one do that, but presumably they can.

How about three bookcases my Father built FOR MY BROTHER-- who is 5 yrs older than even I am, and I am old, that we have been using ALL THESE YEARS?
I must say they have lasted. But it is time. They are like 70 yrs old. Ya think it's time to say goodbye?

The bed I have is the bed John had as a kid. It is on my hit list, but he doesn't know that yet. I am 65. I would like a bed OF MY OWN.

In this house right now are:
me
the computer
a little bit of wine in a bottle
some Coke in a bottle
a can of StarBucks Double Shot.
I have an hour of computer time left, aaaaaiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeWHADDAMIGONNADOWITHOUTMYCOMPUTER????????????????

COUNTDOWN

The "last" inspection at the real house is late this afternoon. The only thing either of us is able to think right now is that it is a hell of a long time until
4 pm.

               The dogs sense something is going on: they are frantic.

Here is a partial list of what we have to do in the next 4 days IF we pass inspection and IF the insurance company can arrange to get our furniture back into the real house:
1. Pick up the yard of dog stuff here
2.clean the stove again
3. wash my bedspread which is the rental company's bedspread and which is no longer beige and white but kind of mottled dark mud brown and drool and has  been for several weeks.
4. pick up the yard here
5. separate the utensils I brought over from the utensils the rental company rented us from the ones we brought over from the ones they oh I said that.
6. pick up the yard
7. pack clothing. I have little. John has lots. I have two pair of shoes,undies and a handful of t-shirts and sweatshirts, 3 pair of jeans only 2 of whichI can wear and breathe in at the same time.
8. pick up the yard.
9.Watch quietly without saying a word while the two rooms of stuff John brought over are taken back to the house and put somewhere out of my sight.
10. IF they bring our real furniture back from Batavia before Monday getting the cable switched, the gas, electric and water back on in our names. I can do that today and just have them set it up for Wednesday. Either way we will not be living in THIS house on Friday.
11. Pick up the yard.
12. If they don't get our furniture back or the cable cannot be hooked up finding some way to watch the final episode of THE CLOSER next Monday. The

•  The only show John and I actually watch religiously  (except for Justified which isn't on now) and together.

So that's a real priority. Do bars show THE CLOSER?

37. Get John's suit cleaned for his HS reunion this coming weekend. No I do not go, altho I have in the past.
42. Pick up the yard at the rental.
43. Get the light bulbs and toxic chemicals out from under the picnic table at the other house  and away from any area the dogs can reach. Put the Barbeq out for the trash, put the counter that is in the yard out for the trash and the freezer. Trash pick-up tomorrow. That'll have to be done today, maybe after the inspection.
57. Find a way to open the padlocks on the gates here that rusted shut in 4 months of solid rain, heat and tropical humidity.
58. Pick up the yard.
67. Do something about the weeds at the other house, no poison.
68. Find out when the furniture is coming home.
69. pick up.
70. Note to self: weather predicition is for rain for weekend.

                              HOME SWEET HOME? oh please please