THE CHAIR FROM COOPER

MomPerson bought a new office chair for her room.

Guess who she made sit in it?

Dis chair it goes tippyback.

It also go roundy

You can see from my xpresshun just how much fun I think this is.

I shooda threw up all ober her new rug but I not that mean.

Chair sposed to be black like me but it not.

Somebody no how to stop her from doin stuff like dis with me?

Love and Magic Belgian Power to all in need,

Ch.Midnight Acres High Noon, HCT (Cooper)

BACK IN THE HOUSE BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

This is our newly refurbished house with the new wood floors and the newly painted walls and so on. Well what, you say, is all that shit in front? Why is there a giant Bobcat parked on the---well there is no lawn-- in the front yard?

Well, children, the plumbing went KERPLOOIE! The washing machine dumped water into the bath tub and toilet. So the plumber came out and rodded and rodden and it didn't work.

So the Plumber came out the next day (this was Tuesday) and took out the toilet again and rodded and rodded and rodded and it didn't work. So they came back YESTERDAY, with that giant backhoe in the photo, and they dug a huge f-ing trench where the Village said that the sewer line was and guess what?

IT WASN'T THERE AT ALL! IT WAS SEVERAL FEET TO ONE SIDE!!!

Oh boy! So they dug another trench. This time they found it, they rodded it and rodded it, put in new pipes, and an access point. We flushed and ran the washer, and so on and everything was fine and they left and an hour later the toilet backed up into the bathtub, paper and all.

So I have him coming again, and the electrician to figure out why the switch he fixed doesn't work anymore and Oh! Yes-- I almost forgot. While they were diggin up my yard yesterday we realised we had a GAS LEAK! So we had to call Nicor, who rushed out and replaced the meter and all the pipes for the meter and the good news is, we no longer have a gas leak. Which is in the photo at the top.

Is it not lovely?

Gee. This is so much fun.

PS. All that dirt is CLAY, It is wet. It sticks to your shoes and there is no way to get into the house without walking through it. My floors are trashed, my shoes are trashed. Where are hashish brownies when you need them?

SEWERS, WASHINGMACHINES, TOILETS

I took the dogs to the kennel this morning, because not only the plumbers but the electricians were coming to work on THINGS. The plumbers are trying so hard not to have to dig up the front yard. They got the washing machine working but now the toilet will still not flush. Even the head plumber looks discouraged

We need to dig up the yard, rod out the main line, and put an access into the sewer line so we do not need to do this again.

Thousands of dollar

John is hiding outside.

I wish now I had kept Conley and Cooper at home. I could use the company, the companionship and the snuggl

The plumbers are outside now, staring balefully at the yar

I need my dogs.

A PROTEST DA BOYZ

WE (oop) We da four sined:

Nigel

Llewis

Conley

aww c'mon Mr. Cooper juss dis oncet?

Cooper

wish ta formalate an do publishes dis formal protest gainst da MomPerson here :

Ok da big white (What Llewis? What kinder color dat! Almont.

Da big Almont fing in da peepelpottyroom be broke.

Now we all (cept Mr. Cooper who reely want you to nose he abstrained)
say dis not a biggie deal.

Why, we goes ousside in ALLLLL da weather, rain snow sleet --(you nose dis not meking much scents now dat I finking bout it. I meen how come WEE goes ousside an...OKOK i gets on wif

Enyways dey all in a dither MPerson an DadPerson dey

actin like dis da most turrubulist fing eber an we wants ta nose why dey cant juss come ousside wif we? But here da catcher.

Dis morning eerly MomPerson she pop outta bed and comb she hair wif her fingers and fling on she close an run outta door an dribe away

When she come beke she not only smilin, she GOTS FOOD!! How come she no bring we food?? How much dem liddel samwitches gotta cost enyways? See if dey willin to do dis oncet why not alla time since she do share dem liddel samwitches. Mr Cooper he neber eet he breffas we bet he snarf dem liddel sandfinches rite down. So dis are protest we fink MomPerson outta fergit fixin dat stoopit lookin fing an go to da liddel snawitche place ebber mornin. An share.

She need a baf she go to da groomer. She smell more innerressing dirty enyways.

Dat whut we finks cept Mr.Cooper just shakin he hed an sighin

Love to all and Good Drool

Nigel, Llewis, Conley n Cooper (sorta Cooper, not reely.)

FAILURE OF THE BIOLOGICAL CLOCK

This will be short.

Somehow my biological clock has taken a hit.

Bedtime is between ten and twelve, usually closer to ten. Last night, numb with fatigue and yes, I admit it wine, I fell into bed at ten and rolled over and peered at the clock which read 9:18.

Wait--WHAT??

Oh Crap.

Means everything is off an hour. I will be up and awake by four at the latest.

My 3 a.m. awakening to attend to necessities will be---- and here it is: 2:08.

Remember we have no bathroom for the ---ah---- heavier biological needs. I sit here wondering if I drove to the Gallery at this hour would the Cops note my van parked outside and pay attention?

Of course not.

Well nevermind. Maybe I can go back to sleep.

WHERE DID WE PUT THE STRAIT JACKET?

Since we have moved back into the house, things seem to be slipping a bit.

Oh, the dogs are fine. That's not what I mean. John and I have worked really hard to get things sorted and stored and thrown out and put away, but there is still SO much left to do. Boxes and boxes and....

Boxes.

And then, there's the plumbing.

One day I did a load of laundry and the water from the machine dumped and back up into the bathtub and toilet, clear across the house.

So we called the plumber.

He had some work to finish, anyway.

His minion, who seemed very able, came out yesterday about noon and put in the new washtub, two new faucets and then set to work rodding out the line in the bathroom. He was here until about 5pm. When he left he assured us the toilet, while not great, was functional.

Wrong-O.

Far from functional it is in considerably worse shape than when he started.

It is, how shall I say this?

Useless.

I am driving to the Gallery two or three times a day to use the facilities, but we have no shower and I cannot do laundry, either. I did 4 loads of laundry at the laundromat yesterday and all of it except for a sweatshirt and 3 t-shirts belonged either to the linen closet or to John. Silly me, I thought now that my dryer had been moved back into the house, I could do laundry.

When the kid rodded out the sewer I think he just solidified the clog.

I spent a lot of time on the phone this morning starting at 7 in the morning trying to get someone out here. We all have a breaking point: today was mine.

For $2500 one guy would come out and rod out the line. Of course the tricky part is that we do not know where the line IS in front

I called the Village to come out and locate the pipe. They won't come out until all the other utilities have been marked. They said "Your plumber does that."

I was speaking to someone in the police dept and I didn't want to argue so I mumbled ok and hung up and had more hysterics.

I called JULIE, the people you are supposed to call for this kind of thing and a lovely child named Courtney was so nice to me it was all I could do to keep from sobbing in gratitude. She will have them all out here Monday at 7. Very nice. Oh yes, thankyouthankyouthankyou.

At this point had she said "We will be out Monday to blow up the house" I would have said the same thing. And meant it. I might have offered to help.

Here is how desperate I feel:

Courtney said "Is there anything else I can do for you today?" and I said

"Send a port-a-potty?" and she said "I have that number, would you like it?"

And I actually...

thought

seriously

about it for just a moment....before I declined and managed to laugh.

PROGRESS

We are moving forward in re-establishing ownership of our house, trying to make it a home not just a house.

Yesterday for example I tackled the thankless and very important job of re-uniting my CDs with their jewel cases. This, putting all the CDs in the cases is not something you think of when the roof is caving in, or seems to be so now I set about it with firm resolve, accompanied by my ever-present companion and critic:

See I have this system I use when I play CDs. I take out 5 and put them in the player and then I put the Jewel cases someplace safe where I know I will remember not only where they are but that they are empty. This precludes the idea that any memory beyond 10 minutes duration is going to be fixed in my mind somehow. This is, of course, ludicrous. At the time, I think "Ok I will remember this." And then I forget about it

Consequently, CDs are rarely re-united with their appropriate jewel cases. After a big pile of homeless CDs piles up, I will sometimes find one of the cahces of cases and just start putting CDs in the cases. It makes opening each case later a wonderful surprise. It may be Doc and Merle Watson playing, or it may be be the Cornell Guide to Bird Songs. Of course the Jewel Case was for the Chieftains THE IRISH HORSE.....

So yesterday I began.

putting all the Cds together with their Jewel Cases. This meant opening every case to see if there were CDs in it and if so, were they the right ones. I started about 7 in the morning. At about noon I asked John, who was out, if he would stop someplace and buy me 20 jewel cases

At about 4 in the afternoon I tossed the last of the rogue CDs all in a drawer and slammed it shut (I can barely open and close it now) and was left with about 300,000,000 CDs which may or may not be in the correct case but are by god in a case and going to frigging well stay in that case come hell or (again) high water.

Meantime there are 5 empty cases someplace that are for the 5 CDs in the machine that I was listening to as I did this. So if anyone finds a Jewel case for the Seldom Scene 15th Anniversary or for Jimmy Buffett's License to Chill, they belong to me and are on the run. Please return along with another large bottle of Barefoot Cellar's Chardonnay.

AND DOES ANYONE DO WINDOWS?