THE DECISION MAKER

This morning I got a computer generated call from Northern Illinois Gas. The male person on the other end of the line said he had an offer fo change the way we pay the gas bill. Since we are currently paying the gas bill for two houses, I was of course interested. Not much, because my experience is that these things generally cause all kinds of upsets and you end up paying more. But a little. So I said, "Yes?" and he said well actually....uh...was John Szaton there because he needed to speak with, and this is a quote: "the DECISION MAKER"!

oh! Well. I see.

I have a bit of a problem with these things. I also sometimes forget that the trigger on my temper is filed down and it often needs only a touch. I said:

"Well, the DECISION MAKER has stepped out! Clearly the only person left here is the lowly and undecided subordinate spouse of the DECISION MAKER. She who is not allowed to make...DECISIONS!!... so perhaps you should call back another time when the DECISION MAKER is in the castle and you can speak to someone equal to you in social standing, OKAY? Bye."

The actual Decision Maker thought this was very funny, and began laughing as soon as I started to relate the story, because he knew perfectly well what the effect of the language was going to have on me.

Years ago I went to buy a car. A Chevvy. In cash. I had my checkbook and I had the money and it was to be MY car. The man who waited on me showed me the roomy trunk, the snazzy upholstery, the gadgets on the dashboard, the big glove box, the pretty hubcaps, the different colors it came in... and I said well how much will you give me for the car I have? And he PUT HIS ARM AROUND ME (now he would lose his testicles just for that, but I was younger) and said "Honey, you bring the Hubby in tonight and he and I can talk money."

I stopped. I pulled out my checkbook. I waved it in his face. I said (loudly-- there were other people in the showroom and I wanted them to hear) "Your sexual condescension just cost your company and you this sale. I was prepared to buy the car now, but I will never buy from this company and EVERY WOMAN I KNOW is going to hear about your rude and inappropriate behavior towards me as a customer." And I stomped out, with him chasing me,saying "wait wait" and I will NEVER EVER buy a Chevrolet.

Sometimes I get it right, instead of sputtering incoherently and sobbing with fury. Not often, but now and then.
Ah! I have to run. The DECISION MAKER needs the salt!!

        The DECISION MAKER and his chief advisor. (Take your pick.)