BLOODY AWFUL

This has been a bloody awful winter as far as sunshine goes. I can handle snow and I can handle ice but I cannot handle the drudge-grey-smoky-sooty days when the sky and the horizon meet in exactly the same shade of ookiness, and the snow is filthy, the yard is a morass of dog poop and water and snow all frozen together so the dogs tiptoe around the margins of the yard creating deep, mucky paths that they track indoors.

I cannot stand the silence outside of no birds (altho I have begun to hear a few) or knowing that I cannot allow the dogs out to play because it is too muddy and besides, I don't want complaints.

I am sick of the night coming before I am ready and daylight long after I think it should be here (altho again, I see it is lighter earlier). I am sick of coughing. I am tired of being tired. I want to see sun and green and hear birds and cat fights again. I am weary of the plastic over my kitchen windows. I am  profoundly tired of the muddy floors, carpets, pillow cases and chairs. Despite the coverings, they dig beneath them with their big, sweet, murky feet... no matter how fast I am I cannot clean all the paws as they pour in the door.

I am tired of DH yelling at the dogs to leave him alone-- he who has always handed out biscuits as easily as breathing. I am depressed when I yell at the dogs STOP BARKING FOR GODS SAKE!!! Cooper, trying to referee and the others in his face, making it worse than it would be. I step on paws, tails and ears in the kitchen. They cannot go out. It sleets and Cooper is frantic. I view spring with a jaundiced eye altho I cannot wait I know it will bring thunderstorms and a whole new problem with my terrified Belgian.

I long for one day and night on the ocean south, where it is warm and empty. I want to sit on the rocks and watch the tide. I want to look in tidepools. I want Conley to see a beach, to run along a beach without a leash on. I have had enough.